NBA Draft (yawn) 2008

I bring you this last minute post in the event that I can salvage some precious hours of your life. Back in the day when I actually had cable (it was free) and I could watch ESPN nonstop, besides being perfectly happy I was also naive in some respects. The first year I had ESPN I waited with anticipation for the NFL draft. It was going to be the best day of my life. I was going to sit in front of the television and watch history happen. But then something tragic happened. No, my cable didn't get disconnected for failure to pay the bill (it was actually free with the apartment), but what happened was even worse. Stupid Eli Manning and his daddy decided that they didn't want to play for San Diego, so they decided that they were going to sabotage the whole day and when he was picked first by the Chargers it was like watching Clay Aiken get a kiss from Angelina Jolie--it was something he didn't want. As I sat through the next few picks I realized that the 15 minute gap in between was the longest 15 minutes of my life. It was stupid.

Then the NFL decided to do this whole deal where the team would announce who they were going to pick before the draft even started--what the heck is that all about? It's like saying "I do" before the bride walks down the aisle. It takes the suspense out of the whole thing. Pretty soon the NBA followed suit and players were receiving millions of dollars before the draft had even begun. I soon came to realize that what could, and should be one of the most exciting events in sports, has become nothing but a bunch of athletes sitting around the table with family members waiting in a tremendously long line for a family portrait.

So for all of you who plan on watching the NBA Draft tonight, DON'T!!! I'll tell you right now what is going to happen. The Chicago Bulls will select Derrick Rose with the first pick in the NBA Draft. If I am wrong I will let you take care of my youngest daughter until the NBA season starts--she's real sweet, but watch out--she eats poop. Back to Rose: He's a hometown boy, the NBA league is becoming more PG friendly, and the kid is a stud. He's a proven winner and if Douglas-Roberts (or Rose for that matter) could have made a few free throws, he would have an NCAA Championship to boot. (While we're on that topic, does anyone else feel bad for John Calipari?? I have always liked the guy from his UMASS days, and he's got some bad luck)

Second pick: Drum roll please....is Michael Beasley. They guy is a beast. He will be a 20/10 guy in two years, has a huge wingspan and he is intimidating. You know Dwayne Wade is pulling for Beasley. I'm sure him and Chuck are talking right now about getting Beasley some sockies for his feety-feety. You know, a welcome to Miami house-warming gift.

And that's it. The rest doesn't matter. I'm sure we'll have a bunch of international floppers taken in the first round--just hope they get flopping bonuses when they sign to compensate for the fines they will be receiving next year.

My advice to you: skip the NBA draft and check ESPN.com tomorrow. I leave you with some suggestions that I faxed David Stern to improve the ratings of the NBA Draft. Only watch the draft is you catch word that these changes will be airing. I'm on hold right now with Stern's office and I just got confirmation that the fax went through!!

1. As each player is picked, we turn it into a slam dunk contest. They get selected, grab a ball, and give us their best "Dee Brown-I-really-am-covering-my-eyes-my-arm-is-not-see-through-like-Cedric-Ceballos'-black-headband" dunk.

2. Serve them cocktails while they are waiting to get picked so if they slide down they really get mad, also it would make for some better acceptance speeches if they were hosed. (I do not support alcohol in any form--I'm just saying)

3. As a player is picked, do a bio on "Where they are now" about each draftee's father. (If this one was offensive, I'm sorry)

4. Each team has as many seconds to pick as they had wins in the season. So #2 Miami would have exactly 15 seconds to make their selection after Chicago picks, who else, Derrick Rose. The Celtics would have the most time to select, a whole minute and six seconds.

5. Have each player read a 300 word essay on "Why you should pick me first and let me have hundreds of millions of dollars."

A programming note for those who WON'T be watching the NBA Draft tonight, Dr Phil, airing on KJZZ starts at 8pm MST as does So You Think You Can Dance, airing on FOX.

The Truth about MVP

Here are the originals.

Some photos I edited using Picnik. Check it out. It's like Photoshop but online and free!

The Heart of a Champion

This post is coming a few days late. The whole world has been talking about Tiger. I decided to wait until the talk died off a bit. I wanted your undivided attention. Now that I have it, maybe I can help you realize what you are witnessing, and make you appreciate the position we are in. Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer to ever play the game. And we are seeing him make history right before our eyes.


Maybe a comment or two for you Tiger haters--because I know you are out there. First off, most of you hate Tiger just because he is the best. You probably like the Cubs or Indians, one of those franchises that always lose. And so you can't like a winner. You probably don't like Twilight either, because it's a winner. (heavy dose of sarcasm here) That's fine, I can appreciate that, but don't let the hatred blind you. Personally, I hate Dennis Rodman, but I knew he was the best rebounder in the game during his prime. I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers, but can complement their hard-nosed way of playing football. I also hate with all the hate in my body the New York Yankees, but I can overcome that hatred and appreciate....well, actually I can't think of anything positive to say about the Yankees. (Although I do like the fact they haven't won in who knows how long). If you are a Tiger hater, admire him for at least these two reasons. One, he wants to win so bad, he will do anything to get it done. He'll play through pain two months after knee surgery--and with broken bones in his leg! What?! He's a animal! Talk about motivation, hunger, desire. He's no Mike Hampton.

Another reason to appreciate Tiger Woods is he is the best celebrator in all of sports. As much as I love watching Larry Bird in his tight shorts waving the white towel when he beat the Lakers, Tiger gets the nod here. After he hit that putt on the 18th hole at Torey Pines to tie Mediate and force a playoff, he was so pumped I swear the television at my in-laws was shaking. I just wish he would give post game interviews like the one Kevin Garnett gave. (I didn't understand a word he said) Why do I like it? Because I can see that he cares. I can feel his emotion, I see his heart and his dedication. I think he might need to give Pau Gasol some lessons--the chest punching gets a little old after a while.

And here's Tiger kissing the US Open trophy. Poor Mediate, he's in the background as runner up, but that's not what he's thinking about. He just realized he forgot to clean Tiger's pool. You have to hand it to Rocco though, he didn't even qualify for the Open, he had to win a playoff to even be invited, and he took the #1 player in the world to the brink. Pretty impressive. Unfortunately, when you have the heart of a champion, you find a way to win. Even when all the odds are against you (like being down 3-0 to the yankees with a sutchered ankle) a champion can overcome those obstacles.

Tiger just found out some news from Rocco. Let's listen in.

Rocco: "Hey Tiger, great playing--but I got some bad news"

Tiger: "What? You suck at golf?"

Rocco: "No, well yes, but no, that's not what the bad news is."

Tiger: "What's the bad news?"

Rocco: "I forgot to clean your pool. Isn't that funny?"

Tiger: "That's not funny, now go get it clean before I hit you with this trophy."

Let me conclude with this. The day will come when Tiger will be old like Arnold, you will be old like your grandpa, and your kids will have kids. And you will all be sitting around the television when your grand kids will turn to you and say "Grandpa, did you ever watch Tiger Woods play?" You'll gaze off into the distance soaking in all the memories, then you'll jump up on the couch and give a fist pump for the ages as you kiss your can of Sprite and say "Heck yeah". (or something like that)

On Top of the World

I'll admit it. I hate taking pictures. Taking family photos are painful for me. But this is one photo I wouldn't mind being in. What a night! I don't know who's sitting being Tommy Heinson in the front, but he looks annoyed. Welcome to my ESPN Writer blog. I realized when I created my last blog that I have a lot of opinions, but more often than not they have to do with sports.



Let me first say that Garnett played like a champion last night. He wanted it. Pierce wanted it. Allen wanted it. This photo captures Garnett on the floor after Odom hacked him while he made on of the greatest clanger shots I have ever seen. He drove down the lane hung in the air, pump faked, hung some more, and then as his feet were touching the ground, he banked it in. (reminiscent of Larry Bird's shot (fast forward to 7:30)). I never thought it was going in. If anything I thought it was going to break the glass on the backboard. I screamed louder than a fat guy in a bathtub full of bacon when it did. But it had to go in. Because as Marc Jackson and Mike Breen kept drilling in our heads, it was June 17th, the Celtics were going for their 17th Championship, and John Havlicek wore #17 and he was in the stands. Not to mention that Paul Pierce, the Finals MVP finished with 17 points. Luck of the Irish.


The truth is, I fell in love with Paul Pierce in these playoffs. He is a gamer. I cried in Game 1 when he went down grasping his knee. Without him, the series was over. It would be like Kings of Queens trying to win an Emmy without Doug Heffernen. Not happening. End of discussion. The fact a freaking elephant in Kendrick Perkins landed on him didn't exactly give me any hope he would be okay. But when I saw him come out of that tunnel, it was like I had seen my wife for the first time, I just knew. (that they would win) Pierce did what Kobe couldn't. He took over the game when he had to, and was the floor general who hooked up his teammates when they were open. (Although he did miss a wide open Ray Allen with about five minutes left that would have given Ray the record for 3's in a game--oh well, next year, right?)

Is that the sweetest stroke ever? It was last night. There was nothing funnier than watching Sasha Buggersnitz trying to weave his way through screen after screen to try and guard Allen. He was getting knocked around like a pin ball while Allen would catch, look for Vujacic and not see him, square his feet, call home to check on the family, and then drain three after three. It was pure. P-U-R-E, PURE. By the way, can we watch one game without a Ray Allen-Jesus Shuttleworth reference? I've never seen the movie.

After going up by 42, and nailing another 3 pointer, Ray Allen and Eddie House starting floating. That's what winning an NBA Championship feels like. (Either that or Ray Allen is doing his best Will Smith-Hancock impression)

Let me leave you with some final thoughts on Game 6 of the NBA Finals. -I actually felt bad for Kobe a little bit. But only when they were down by 40, he clanged 3-ball after 3-ball, and they put his picture on the jumbo-tron and all the fans mock cheered him--and he looked up and saw his face and was humiliated.
-Second best move of the night: Big Baby Davis going almost the length of the court and dunking with authority. A close third was the alley-oop to Tony Allen.
-Loved it when the fans booed David Stern.
-What was up with Pierce dumping Gatorade on Rivers? Doesn't he know there are thirsty children in Africa?
-Doc Rivers is not that good of a coach. When you hear him "WIRED" and he says the same things I would say to a team, (like, "Do you believe", "Fight, fight, fight", and "We are better than they are") you know he has no idea what he is doing. I think Flip Saunders, Mike D'Antoni, and Isiah Thomas (all who were fired this year) could have won with 3 future HOF's on their team.